Hard-Boiled Facts

Speaking of eggs, some of the best life lessons come from them. Chicken eggs, specifically. Not that long ago, 我注意到，尽管我们有六只母鸡，冰箱里却没有鸡蛋. 每个月花30美元买一袋饲料，却没有一个鸡蛋来证明这一点. I asked my boys if they could go out and find the elusive eggs. I assumed the hens were getting sneaky, as hens do, 也许他们在巨大的牛蒡下或黑莓丛中找到了新的藏身之处. Hours (or was it days?)之后，仍然没有卵子，我和孩子们确认了卵子的存在 looked for the eggs. Oh yes, they assured me.

我发现，当涉及到动词时，我的孩子和我有非常不同的定义. 我真正的意思是“寻找鸡蛋”，我想他们听到的是“扫描鸡蛋”.” I wandered outside and poked around in the many weed patches, growing more impressed with my clever girls. 我甚至还去看了我爸爸几年前建的那个红色的狗屋，它很漂亮，很怀旧，但从来没有真正养过狗(尽管偶尔在阳光好的时候，猫会在里面小睡一下)。. Nope. Truly stumped, I paused. 一个荒谬的想法浮现在我旋转的脑海中……鸡舍里的巢箱? No. Of course, my kids had checked there 因为这是鸡应该下蛋的地方. I dipped my head into the coop and saw a mountain of eggs. Sigh.

我有这些很棒的孩子，因此，我通常很有耐心. 我甚至还教过中学，所以除了剥顽固的鸡蛋外，没有什么东西能深入到皮肤下面. 那层薄薄的膜拒绝释放嫩白是我的致命弱点. 它把我变成了一个睡不着觉、吃了太多糖、坐在汽车热座椅上的小孩. I decided to get curious and do some old-fashioned research.

实际上，我打电话给人类，告诉他们如何煮鸡蛋才能让鸡蛋干净地去皮. Honestly, 这不仅仅是我对蛋清的损失感到沮丧，这让我做出了这个戏剧性的决定 talk 向人们讲述一些经典而没有争议的事情，比如如何煮鸡蛋, it was also my conversation about soap lather.

我向你保证，我被问到的问题比世界上任何职业都好, even newspaper advice columnist (my secret dream job), 最近的一次是一位非常杰出的人，他有一头银发，一双炯炯有神的眼睛. He wondered which bar soap had the best lather. 对于这个奇怪而又奇妙的问题，我有很多想法. I also, surprising to even myself, 有未知的偏好和相当复杂的词汇来谈论泡沫，如“泡沫密度”.“我们还讨论了气泡大小，以及如何为特定目的决定最佳气泡大小.

在这几个重要但完全异想天开的对话时刻，我们笑了，高兴了，两个陌生人之间不需要了解彼此的任何事情，就可以尊重和接受. It reminded me how much I miss not knowing things about people. I just really needed to talk about the basics of life – and an egg, well, that is where it all starts.

我打给的第一个人接电话时焦急地问:“一切都好吗?因为事实上，我已经很多年没有直接给他们打电话了. 我们的世界已经进化到发短信比突然打来电话更有礼貌. As if hearing a person’s voice, even tinged with worry, isn’t some of the best medicine we can freely give. Once I explained my mission, he quickly explained his tried and true method, which involved an electric pressure cooker. Too bad I’m too terrified of those to try it.

下一个我想打给的人的电话号码从我的通讯录里消失了, 这让我感到一阵怀疑，因为我的智能手机应该知道，不该愚蠢地把如此重要的知识放错地方. 我四处游荡，试图找到我那满是灰尘的地址簿，却发现了一些早已因搬家或死亡而被遗弃的地址. 大多数条目都是用铅笔写的，因为十年前我知道最好不要在生活的临时点上墨水. 我只好给她发电子邮件，告诉她我需要打电话给她，和她进行一次极其重要的谈话——她怎么能抗拒这种诱惑呢? She wasn’t even disappointed with the topic and had much to say, although she eventually did resort to Google.

一场皇冠博彩鸡蛋的辩论发生在健康部门内部，我注意到了我和之前的鸡蛋专家们讨论过的所有细节, I can’t believe that didn’t dawn on me sooner) such as egg age, mineral content of the water, temperature and timing of the boiling pot, 还有一个备受争议的观点是，煮完鸡蛋后，必须立即进行冰浴. Most importantly, in this gal’s opinion, 塑料的特百惠鸡蛋穿孔器能把蛋壳打破吗 every time. I’m going to call her mom to confirm.

And so through these many conversations, 我最终得出的结论是，把鸡蛋煮到完美，并能毫不费力地削皮，取决于上千个不同的变量，而这些变量在大多数时候都不在我们的直接控制范围之内. But the planets can align, 当云朵分开，鸟儿歌唱，你的鸡蛋一切都好起来的时候，你会在厨房里感到愉悦. It does happen. 我是否要和你分享大量随机的事情，让你最终成为那个人 crack this code?

No. Totally not going to do that. 因为比起一个完美的鸡蛋，我更想要的是我那一点点合作的天堂，我每周打卡打卡40个小时，回到我们自己的核心信念，成为一个关心彼此的社区——无论发生什么. 我们过去常常看着对方的眼睛，发现我们自己的善良立即反映出来. And yes, before we had the internet, we had each other, so we could ask each other the really important questions like, “how do you eat a pomegranate?” or “which soap has the best bubble density?”

You’ll have to collect your own data. 但我必须警告你:有些鸡蛋不管你多么小心都不想去皮. 有些鸡蛋需要非常脆弱的触摸和无尽的耐心，你可能会把它扔到后院很远的地方，决定选择金枪鱼三明治. 如果你想吃金枪鱼三明治，你一定要在里面放些泡菜. 嗯，我想知道这里有谁知道怎么做泡菜? Guess I need to call some friends. Or maybe you can stop by and tell me about yours. That’s what I’m here for.  And really, that is why you are here too, isn’t it?